I’m Not Undateable, Everyone Else Is

Photo Credit: Hollywood Reporter

Photo Credit: Hollywood Reporter

Every time I visit my grandparents, they never fail to ask me if I have a boyfriend. My answer 95% of the time is, “no.” My answer also never fails to perplex them because they don’t see why I can’t just find someone. That’s just it, though. I can’t just find someone. The more I get acquainted with the dating world, the more I feel like it was much easier to “just find someone” back in my grandparents’ time.

Guest blogger Crystal Small recently wrote, Why You Should Stop Calling Yourself Undateable, which I wholeheartedly agree that you should not sell yourself short by deeming yourself as too independent, awkward, weird, etc. to find love. But what if you don’t sell yourself short and you still don’t have much luck?

Now before you make the assumption that I’m probably too picky, cocky, desperate, bitter or unrealistic, I have been very open to what’s out there and have actually ran into a few suitable prospects of my own. However, there are some modern dating habits I’ve observed that make it that much more difficult to find others dateable.

Social Media and Technology Are Changing the Rules

Image Credit: insidemyshoe.com

Image Credit: insidemyshoe.com

It’s safe to say that we are consumed by our computers and devices. While it’s great that we can connect instantly with a tap or swipe, people would much rather text than have a phone or in-person conversation. We get so caught up on carefully crafting messages and reading between the emojis and response times. Anything misplaced or misconstrued can ruin our chances at something.

Then we have the great and powerful social media. In minutes, we have the luxury of getting to know someone’s job history, favorite movies, high school life, and most importantly, exes before they get to tell us themselves. We subconsciously make assumptions whether or not they’re suitable for us. And when we do end up talking, we also get caught up on everything they post, like, and comment on. Oy vey.

Everyone’s More Afraid of Labels and Commitment Now

Image Credit: gurl.com

Image Credit: gurl.com

Actual courtship is rare in this day and age. With the rise of online dating and dating apps, we have grown into a hook-up culture. As discussed in our video “Let’s Talk About the Effects of Our Snapchat Culture,” I think having instant gratification, snaps that disappear in seconds, the ability to edit or delete posts, and the undo button are pacifying us to always look for that safety net. More importantly, it’s influencing our lack of commitment. All of this is conditioning us to not commit to something if we don’t want to, and to always make sure to find the nearest exit.

This heightened fear of commitment has also caused us to be afraid of labels. “Hanging out,” “going out,” “dating,” and “hooking up” are almost interchangeable nowadays. And when it comes time to defining the relationship, we avoid the answer with vague responses. Blurring these lines work until it doesn’t anymore.

Not Settling and Finding Someone on Your Level

Image Credit: Giphy

Image Credit: Giphy

Granted, with so many places to see and passions to pursue, maybe we don’t want to commit to something right now. Or maybe we do but we don’t want to feel like we’re settling. I am all for not being in a relationship just so you can say you’re in one or because you think you’re reaching your expiration date. But all our successes and endeavors can put restrictions on who we can date. Unfortunately, we can’t base a relationship solely on a shared connection. We should strive for someone on our level of intellect, maturity, intimacy, ambition, and maybe even finance. I’m not saying it’s impossible, it merely makes it harder to find someone who fits into your busy life. Then again, we can’t place our standards too high…

I think everyone yearns for real courtship and romance. We’ve just been conditioned to act otherwise. The underlying issue is that we don’t like being vulnerable. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Strive for real conversations instead of texting. Limit social media and go out for coffee. Express your emotions and say what you want to say. We’re not really shallow and heartless, right?

About Ronnell Morris

Ronnell is the Co-Founder and Editor-in-Chief of NWYT. She is a copywriter by day, a performer by night, and a triathlete by weekend. She loves Disney, musicals, eating, YouTube videos, list-making, and the colors pink and gray too much for her own good. See All of Ronnell's Posts

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