Virginity Should be a Big Deal to Boys Too

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Whatever your beliefs or upbringing is, it’s pretty safe to say the idea of virginity mostly weighs more on girls than boys. Granted, abstinence and safe sex is held against both genders until a certain age but this is definitely emphasized more on girls.

This does date back centuries ago when a woman had to be “pure” for her husband. Chastity belts. Purity pledges. Whore shaming. I’d like to think we’ve grown as a society, but it doesn’t look that way. Why isn’t a boy’s virginity as a big of a deal as it is for a girl’s yet?

Now I’m not talking solely about pre-marital sex. That’s entirely up to the individual regardless of religion or personal beliefs. But this social construct of girls striving for innocence and boys for “experience” still exists. In fact, boys are mostly taught to not take advantage of women. Even then, that’s not the same as guarding their virginity or saving themselves for someone special.

This “boys will be boys” mentality needs to stop. It’s basically telling them that they can get away with doing certain things to women because they have a penis. While a girl suffers more consequences from losing her virginity, meaning she could get pregnant, it is still no excuse for more of the pressure to fall on her. If we taught boys why it’s important to value their virginity as well and how to properly respect women, maybe there would be less pressure on girls to keep… or lose their virginity.

Speaking of, there’s also the issue of girls being pressured to lose their virginity as well. There’s the flip side of not being experienced enough or too prude that girls face, too. Again, if boys were taught to not be so pushy about it, girls wouldn’t feel the need to give themselves up to be accepted in those types of environments.

So it seems whether or not a girl is pure or “dirty,” one of the most important characteristics that is held upon her is her sexual activity. And whatever decisions she has made about it will follow her throughout her life. For boys, that’s barely the case and that needs to change.

Again, I am not here to preach about pre-marital sex or abstinence. Let’s face it, if you tell kids to not touch the stove, they’re more likely to touch the stove. (Of course, telling them isn’t exactly teaching them. But I digress.) I’m here to address that sex and virginity is a choice that both girls and boys have. It should be respected by both sexes, not held up as a moral ideal. And as with all choices we have in life, both girls and boys should be equally taught the value of those choices they decide to make.

About Ronnell Morris

Ronnell is the Co-Founder and Editor-in-Chief of NWYT. She is a copywriter by day, a performer by night, and a triathlete by weekend. She loves Disney, musicals, eating, YouTube videos, list-making, and the colors pink and gray too much for her own good. See All of Ronnell's Posts


  1. I love this topic! It is an age-old standard that boys strive to lose their virginity while girls are trying to protect theirs. If a guy hasn’t lost his virginity by his late teens, he’s typically considered a loser of sorts, while a girl who HAS lost her virginity by that age is often labeled as a slut in today’s society. I do not really have any insight as to why that is, but it is a real thing.

    I remember I discussed losing my virginity before I actually did. I was in my early teens and one of my older brothers heard of what I was thinking of doing and was irate with me. All I could say to him was that if I was a guy, it would have been a different conversations, complete with high fives and congratulations. It really did shut the conversation down because he had nothing to say to that.

    • Ronnell Morris says:

      Thanks! It’s interesting how differently this is viewed and so ingrained in our minds. I often catch myself automatically going to those assumptions and judgements based on those old standards about boys and girls. It’s difficult.

      But the reasons for this viriginity/sex standard is irrelevant to today’s (slowly) changing social constructs. The gender debate is very hard to crack but we can start making change by questioning it and looking deeper.

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