What You Need to Know About Long Distance Relationships

LongDistanceRelationships

Long distance relationships are not for everyone. You need to be highly independent, trustworthy, patient, and understanding. With that said, they are doable but on very certain and precise circumstances. It makes sense for people to be skeptical about them and say that they never work out. However, this applies only if they decide to stay distant forever because the human capacity is not designed to truly love someone romantically from afar.

You can’t fully experience everything about a relationship as long as you stay distant. No matter how great people say they are, to compare them with close distance relationships is like comparing apples to oranges. It’s a different kind of relationship that should definitely end up as the latter if you’re really serious about being with this person.

The most important thing you need to know about going into a long distance relationship is this: you need an end date. By that I mean the time you guys will come together and live in the same city.

Again, being apart can’t go on forever and you need to know if it’s feasible for the both of you to hang on for that long. I would not recommend starting out long distance from the beginning because it is an awkward point to be discussing coming together so early in the relationship. Love is already uncertain, so you’ll end up going into this commitment (or not even fully committed yet) more apprehensively, being left to constantly wonder if it’s worth it because you haven’t spent enough time together to know if it is.

The pacing for long distance relationships is twice as slow as a close distance one. The absence does make the heart grow fonder, the constant communication builds a lot of trust, and the time physically spent together feels a lot more valuable. However, even after a significant amount of time, while it can feel like the spark between you two is invincible, the truth is you are still in that fun “honeymoon” phase. Don’t be mistaken by this phase as justification for the relationship being worth it.

It would be best to discuss this end date with your partner after you’ve already been physically together for a while to really know that your relationship is worth it. The reason why most long distance relationships work is because the end date was discussed after the honeymoon phase, the distance was made as short-termed as possible, and/or they are serious enough to just move with their partner.

However, you can’t always control these circumstances, so if for whatever reason you decide to start out long-distance, then I suggest setting a quasi-end date for yourself. This meaning is slightly different: How long do you think YOU’LL last before wanting something more? 6 months? 1 year? After figuring that out in your mind, see where the relationship takes you. If you manage to make it to your quasi-end date and you are still distant, that’s when you should have a serious talk with your partner about where this relationship is going and if you guys can figure out an end date together.

This quasi-end date is more like a “Moment of Truth” to see if you are both at least on the same page and want something more from your relationship. If you or your partner seem to have no intention of coming together at all, it’s time to break it off. If you or your partner have an end date that is longer than the other has anticipated, maybe you should break it off. Every case is different, but you should take a step back and really evaluate if this is what you truly want and if your own emotions can handle waiting longer than they already have.

If at any point before your quasi-end date or end date you feel in your gut that it’s not working out, break it off. Prolonging it isn’t going to make things better, especially with the distance. The last important thing you need to know about long distance relationships is how to break them off.

If there was no huge issue like cheating or a big argument, and it’s just from losing interest, changes in your lifestyles, or not being able to handle the distance anymore, the best way to break it off is to at least make it seem like you mutually made the decision together. Calmly talk about how both of you are on different paths in your lives which is going to hinder you two from coming together any time soon, and that it is perhaps best that you go your separate ways. Perhaps if you’re truly meant to be together, your paths may cross again in the future and hopefully on better circumstances.

About Ronnell Morris

Ronnell is the Co-Founder and Editor-in-Chief of NWYT. She is a copywriter by day, a performer by night, and a triathlete by weekend. She loves Disney, musicals, eating, YouTube videos, list-making, and the colors pink and gray too much for her own good. See All of Ronnell’s Posts

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